Dreamseekers and Company

Personalized in braille (Reads, “Stronger than you know”)

I’m rebooting my blog!

It’s time I create an online presence for my faire booth crafts. My creativity and my personal life often overlap, so it seems apt to leave my website in its old-fashioned blog format.

Stay tuned! I’ll be posting several premade items that can be hand-burned with a personalization.

While you’re waiting, what alphabet would you like me to personalize your item with? Elvish? Ancient Hylian? Elder Futhark? I have 27 alphabets prepared, but I’m always interested to learn more.

Canterbury Faire 2025

Archived Posts explaining our adoption of Jordan from Bulgaria in 2011 and Daniel in 2017:

Order of information on this page:

1. Who and why are you adopting?
2. Where are the blog posts about your adoption? (July, 2010 to July 19, 2011… updates as time permits)
3. What has your adoption process been?
4. How much has this adoption cost?
5. Can I see your adoption checklist?

1. Who and why are you adopting?
Partial answer:
Children with special needs in many Eastern Europe countries struggle to receive adequate care in orphanages and few live with their birth families. This is for more than one reason. There is a stronger stigma in many of these countries about the VALUE of a child whose body or mind are imperfect. No culture is immune to this, but it is still tragic! These children are made in God’s image, despite imperfections. I have my own imperfections and I am so glad that God can love me and work through me, even though I fall so far short of His perfection. Another reason children in these orphanages struggle, is due to a struggling economy. If you think the US has a struggling economy, try taking a look at almost anywhere else in the world!

Once children with special needs (physical or mental) reach the age of 3-6, they cannot stay in their “baby” orphanage, but are transferred to either an older children’s orphanage or a mental institution. Neither place is as nice as the baby orphanage, but mental institutions are almost always inhumane places, where lack of funding, too few caretakers and a lowering of basic standards creates horrible conditions where most children are starved for attention, stimulus and food. Jordan is faring much better in his “baby house” and we are eager to get him home and loved on by his doting sisters.

Adoption process – timeline:

July 2010 – God begins stirring our hearts again with http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2010/05/healing-rain.html
July 2010 – Began process to update homestudy
October 2010 – Completed formal application with About a Child to adopt from Eastern Europe
December 2010 – Homestudy complete
December 2010 – FBI checks complete
December 30, 2010 – USCIS receipts our I800A
Jan 11, 2011 – Saw Seamus’ file for the first time, committed the next day.
Jan 13, 2011 – Received fingerprint appointment from USCIS
Feb 7, 2011 – Fingerprint appointment for USCIS
Feb 22, 2011 – Officer assigned at USCIS
Feb 28, 2011 – USCIS Approval received in mail! (60 days after receipt)
March 7th, 2011 – Dossier arrives in Eastern Europe
March 21st, 2011 – Received “Jordan’s” file
March 24th, 2011 – Try to correct error on USCIS document.
April 21st, 2011 – Received updated I-800A approval!
May 5th, 2011 – Complete dossier submitted!
May 13th, 2011 – Verbal referral
June 3rd, 2011 – Official referral received!
June 13th, 2011 – Notified of James going home with Jesus
June 17-26, 2011 – Travel on trip 1!
June 28, 2011 – Documents submitted to MOJ, I-800 mailed to USCIS
June 29, 2011 – I-800 received by USCIS
July 7, 2011 – Receipt from USCIS arrives (dated June 29)
July 14, 2011 – I-800 approved!
August 8, 2011 – Article 5 letter issued (took awhile to get VISA photos)
August 15, 2011 – Article 5 letter submitted to MOJ
October 6, 2011 – Dossier submitted to court at last!
October 20, 2011 – Assigned a judge and court date! Court date is set for the 24th! Woo hoo!
October 24, 2011 – Court passed!
October 31, 2011 – Court decree in effect!
November 3rd, 2011 – Court decree in facilitator’s hand, submitted for birth certificate
November 4th, 2011 – Buying airplane tickets! Delayed our travel a week or two week to avoid Thanksgiving closures
November 25-December 3rd, 2011 – Pick-up trip!!!! Gotcha day is November 28, 2011!!!!!!

Adoption process – expense:

4. How much has this adoption cost?
Adoption Expenses:
$175 – Birth certificates and Marriage licenses (made errors or would be cheaper) – 08/04/2010
$34 – Fingerprints for homestudy, FBI check, etc. – 08/04/2010
$375 – Homestudy Update – 10/22/2010
$3000 – About A Child program fee – 11/02/2010
$36 – FBI background check – 11/20/2011
$880 – I-800A plus biometrics – 11/22/2010
$275 – Love offering to Reece’s Rainbow – 11/23/2010
$250 – Hague Oversight for homestudy to AAC – 12/27/2010
$10 – Local background checks – 02/25/2011
$100 – Homestudy addendum – 03/30/2011
$360 – I-800A supplement 3 (to get approval for two children) – 04/05/2011
$3950 – Airfare, first trip – 06/06/2011
$500 – Hotel, first trip – 06/17/2011
$300 – Food, etc. first trip – 06/17/2011
$250 – Notary fees and extra stop mileage, first trip – 06/17/2011
$10000 – Program fee (for all European expenses – attorney, filing fees, tranportation, translations, court, etc.) – paid in installments – balance due at first trip 06/17/2011
$404 – VISA – 06/17/2011
$488 – Cost of shipping through 07/09/2011
$260 – Cost of apostilles through 07/09/2011
$2500 – Airfare, second trip – projected
$800 – Hotel, second trip – projected
$500 – Food, second trip – projected

Total cost: about $26000
Tax credit: about $13000

Adoption timeline and cost…. again?

Stage 1: COMPLETE
1. Research adoption, countries and special needs heavily (July 2010)
2. Update old homestudy for country we’re adopting from $350 (October-December)
3. Background checks $34
4. Order birth and marriage certificates $200 (1-8 weeks)
5. Complete formal application with About a Child $3250 – program fee plus Hague oversight (October)
6. FBI Background check $36 (October – December, 6 weeks)
7. Made a Family Sponsor Page with Reece’s Rainbow to raise awareness $275 (December)
8. I800A, application to adopt to USCIS mailed (December, 2-3 months)
9. I800A returned for incorrect check amount – (remailed late December)
10. I800A checks cashed 12/30/10

1. Article 5 Letter issued from US Embassy in EE – within 5 business days of the provisional filing, which is the I-800 approval being wired from the National Visa Center. Detail: Elena will get an appointment when it arrives, will go in within 2-3 days. It will be issued and picked up by Elena 1-3 days later. VISA photo must be there before appointment.- COMPLETE (08/08/2011)
2. Article 5 Letter filed with the MOJ with second stage documents and dossier. – COMPLETE (08/15/2011)
3. Wait for two signatures to get MOJ approval – lawyer for MOJ, then Vice Minister. (3-6 weeks) – Sep 22?
4. Paperwork is sent to court, where it’s assigned to a judge who will issue a court date (1 week) – Sep 29?
5. Court date(s) are held… we are praying we get a friendly, quick judge… not a slow judge who also requests additional paperwork at her discretion (2-8 weeks) – Oct 24?
6. Court order issued, 7 days to become final! (7 days) – Oct 31?
7. Birth certificates issued (7 days) – Nov 7?
8. Wait for paperwork to be translated (1-3 weeks) – Nov 21?
9. Schedule travel – Nov/Dec

Stage 6:
Travel 8-10 days – must get new passport (3 bus. Days), visa medical, visa before returning home with child(ren).
Leave home sometime Friday or Saturday.
Arrive sometime on a Saturday or early Sunday.
Sleep one night before driving, or drive 6-8 hours to orphanage – depending on time of arrival. Arrive in Jordan’s city on Sunday before bedtime.
Pick up Jordan on Monday first thing (about 10am) – drive all the way back to the capital in time to get to the Passport Office before it closes.
Tuesday/Wednesday – Hanging out at the hotel
Thursday: Medical appointment for Jordan in the morning – Consular appointment in the afternoon
Friday – Facilitator picks up the passport and Visa from the Consulate and drops it off at your hotel by midday.
You’ll fly back on Saturday–unless you’re lucky enough to find a flight leaving on Friday evening.
Arrive home sometime Saturday or Sunday

Stage 7:
• Plan homecoming – meet Jordan at airport!
• Join after the rainbow
• Doctor appointments
• Therapy appointments
• Quiet, down time
• Life!

Daniel one year ago

From November 2016.

Two cutie pies. May 2017

Daniel lives in an orphanage in eastern Europe. I can share what country as soon as we pass court. He was born with arthrogryposis, which means some of his bendy parts aren’t bendy, for example his knees and feet. He has further been affected by life in an orphanage that doesn’t have a good reputation in several ways, including its feeding practices and social interactions. We are eager to get him home where our whole family as well as local doctors can work to help him heal and grow.

Adoption Timeline:
12/25/2016 – Officially began process
12/26/2016 – Initiated homestudy – $400
12/26/2016 – Application with adoption agency – $250
12/29/2016 – FBI Background check initiated
01/03/2017 – FBI Background check appointment – $100
01/06/2017 – Homestudy home visit – $1630
01/06/2017 – Hague Training purchased/begun – $149
01/13/2017 – FBI background check apostille – $69.30
01/22/2017 – Passport applications – $400
02/06/2017 – Picked up completed homestudy!
02/07/2017 – Hague oversight completed and I-800A mailed – $952.75
02/08/2017 – Marriage license apostille – $10
02/10/2017 – Collecting dossier documents, including medical forms – $60
02/24/2017 – I-800A fingerprint appointment date received
03/02/2017 – Apostilled entire dossier (minus I-800A approval) – $185
03/06/2017 – I-800A fingerprint appointment
03/07/2017 – Mailed apostilled dossier (minus I-800A approval)
03/08/2017 – First payment to in-country agency – $1672.21 (1,565 Euros)
03/16/2017 – I-800A officer assigned
03/20/2017 – I-800A approval received in the mailbox!
03/21/2017 – I-800A approval apostilled and mailed – $65
03/22/2017 – Second payment to in-country agency – $3282.38 (3,005 Euros)
04/06/2017 – Dossier translated by about now
04/14/2017 – Dossier authenticated by about now and submitted to MOJ (ministry of justice)
04/20/2017 – IAC (International Adoption Committee) meeting submission – verbal referral?
04/21/2017 – Verbal referral confirmed. Travel dates proposed!
04/27/2017 – Global Adoption Services program fee – $5000
04/27/2017 – Global Adoption Services post placement report escrow – $2000
05/03/2017 – Written referral – bought airfare for three people!!! – $3445.08
05/04/2017 – Withdrew cash for VISA – $325
05/11/2017 – Received translated referral
05/11/2017 – Mailed forms I-800 and I-864W to USCIS
05/12/2017 – Left home on trip 1!
05/15/2017 – First orphanage visit
05/19/2017 – Last orphanage visit
05/20/2017 – Home late this night
Cost of trip one except airfare: Hotel $325.66, Food/other $383.81
05/23/2017 – Received second stage documents (Power of Attorney and Consent for Adoption)
05/24/2017 – Updated FBI check and emailed to Global Adoption Services – $100
05/25/2017 – Apostilled second stage documents and mailed – $80
05/31/2017 – Rachel’s medical form updated – $30
05/31/2017 – Third payment to in-country agency – $1480.46 (1305 Euros)
06/01/2017 – I-800 approved
06/05/2017 – Brian’s medical form updated – $30
06/06/2017 – Mailed notarized medicals for apostille – $30
06/12/2017 – Received email notification from NVC (National Visa Center) with case number. Forwarded email to NGO for form ds260 and Embassy interview
06/14/2017 – Article 5 interview at embassy (NGO attends in Daniel’s country)
06/16/2017 – Article 5 letter issued (Now translate and authenticate)
06/26/2017 – Article 5 letter submitted to MOJ with dossier (to be reviewed and wait for signature)
07/14/2017 – Dossier submitted to court
08/07/2017 – Judge assigned and court date scheduled!
09/04/2017 – Court date!!!
09/11/2017 – Court decree in effect (final foreign fee installment paid $1456/$1200EUR)
09/13/2017 – Court decree signed and given to facilitator. Submitted for birth certificate
09/14/2017 – Buy airplane tickets (after embassy confirms appointment) for 2 adults, 1 child round trip plus one child one-way $4588
10/01/2017-10/14/2017 – Travel dates!
10/01 – leave home
10/02 – arrive in Sofia
10/03 – drive to Varna
10/04 – PICK UP DANIEL and drive back to Sofia
10/05 – Passport appointment
10/09 – pick up passport
10/10 – Medical appointment and TB test
10/12 – Medical results and US Embassy appointment
10/13 – Get VISA
10/14 – fly home!
10/15 – Admitted to hospital for constipation and malnutrition
10/21 – Homecoming!
(In country expenses)
Embassy medical exam – $70
TB test – $120
Lodging for trip 2 (12 nights) – $857.97
Food for trip 2, Embassy medical exam, TB test, souvenirs, airport parking, etc. – $714.87

Total cost: $30232.49

Miscellaneous expenses not included:
Babysitter help during first trip – $500
Hiring a “baba” to spend time with Daniel – $470 for 3 months

More soapbox.

My personal understanding today.

Infographic I shared recently:
Text reads, Religious Beliefs to Unlearn: I cannot trust myself, I am nothing without God, My desires are sinful, Your spiritual self is all that matters, I’m broken and need to be saved, There is only one right way to live, I am responsible for saving others

I cannot trust myself… My desires are sinful

I was told…
that my heart was desperately wicked and not to trust my feelings or desires.
to not lean on my own understanding
wait for God’s leading
obey my elders/leaders (and not try to lead myself)

The support of trusting that God is good and the hope that comes from believing that a good Creator cares matters. But a deep, bottom-of-my-heart level lack of trust in myself hamstrung me early on. And it’s not the truth. He’s given us a spirit of power and of sound mind. He has put the ability to reason and understand and care and… all the things. I don’t have to only follow a man’s teaching. I can trust my own understanding of myself and God.

I am nothing without God

Well….. I wouldn’t exist without a creator, I guess. But each of us is something! Why would God LOVE us if we weren’t valuable? We are! We’re a whole package… heart, mind, soul, body…. desires, emotions, ideas, experiences… Solomon found the value of existence in enjoying the life we live. Let’s do that. Let’s take this huge, valuable gift of life and use it. We don’t need to stop and check if we’re actually “nothing.” He’s very happy with us having free choice and giving all the angels a show.

Your spiritual self is all that matters

This focus on the afterlife has clipped the wings on the power of the living church. We don’t show up for each other and care for each others’ specific, human needs like we were made to, because of the focus being shifted on something “after.” The kingdom of God is here one earth! If we behave like it. It’s us. It’s what we do, what we do with our physical bodies.

I’m broken and need to be saved.

This one is about the core of much of the church’s teaching and most of my Christian friends will agree with it. My husband does and he’s as generous and open-minded as old-school Jesus followers come! But hear me out… go back to the place where I’m not trusting myself and where the things that come out of my own heart are sinful and destructive. And have that be your belief for perpetuity. You know, until sanctification is complete upon our deaths and whatever God does to us then that he hasn’t done to our current selves. That destroys the vigor and vitality of a soul. It leaves us worms. It leaves us powerless. It left me sinking into a pit of depression and despair. But… what if the thing God made (me) is a good thing? A beautiful thing? Something powerful and wonderful? What if everything changes when we think about ourselves as whole instead of broken? What if God has plans for us. Us. Me! Just how I am? What if just how I am is all He wants? I think it’s time for the story to be reframed. I’m learning about “original sin” and “original good” and learning. One of the two feels more like real life.

There’s only one right way to live.

Welllllllll, I believed this and tried for decades to find and adhere to this right(TM) way. And it felt like a moving target. And missing it felt like proof that I was broken and nothing and a failure truly. And then…. I realized that while I could believe that a God created me and that Jesus is real and that the Bible is a holy book… not everybody interprets it exactly the same, but we can all, even non-Christians, do our best to love and honor and respect and care for each other. And that this kingdom of heaven on earth (of loving each other) is what Jesus wants. And that’s where the focus should be. And I can celebrate my failures and have hope in my suffering, because they’re all part of the big, beautiful experience called life that I’ve been given. That right(TM) way to live can go to hell. Because for me, it was hell on earth.

I am responsible for saving others (in a spiritual sense)

Telling this to each other is emotional manipulation. God does not throw people in hell because we didn’t find or convince somebody of the right(TM) way. When we let this bleed into the rest of our lives, such as parenting, it puts impossible pressures on us. We cannot make children like we can make a pie.

Furthermore, Jesus is not just a name. It’s a power. And all we’re responsible for is doing our best to love and respect ourselves and love and respect others. This honors God.

There are several verses in the Bible that mention homosexual behavior and they’re all negative/condemning. But I have come to believe that the Bible (and God) celebrate everybody in the LGBTQ+ community, including the way they respect and live their authentic selves. (I was trying to say, “celebrate their their lifestyle” but that word lifestyle is not defined the same for everybody.)

I’ve been asked why or how I can believe that queer Christians, for example, can be authentic or legitimate. I think many of you are thinking, “people who wonder that must live in a bubble.” And yes, many people do. I did. I had only ever heard that homosexuality was a sin, or at least acting on it was a sin. And if somebody believed differently, they were twisting the Word of God to suit themselves and debasing the truth. There is a pervasive attitude of sexuality and gender differences being a form of self harm or mental illness. There is a sharp, visceral rejection and damning of even the suggestion of welcoming differences in sexuality or gender.

And I think that’s wrong.

Obviously. That’s why I’m writing.

And you know what? It’s important. Because damning, rejecting, or just being disgusted by the simple, authentic nature of another human being… causes harm. It’s the opposite of love. And you know what? If it’s NOT self harm and it’s NOT mental illness, then this rejection is most definitely not what Jesus would do.

Bible reasoning:
When I come upon a passage that I struggle with, I can dig into that verse in more depth and I can also compare it to the rest of Scripture. There are verses in the Bible that say that women should not speak in a religious gathering. Specifically, we should be silent. I think that’s BS, but why? Well, in the rest of Scripture, women are used as leaders and teachers. Just one example…. is that we could call first apostle Mary Magdalene, to whom Jesus appeared to first and who was called to preach the good news to the other disciples and apostles. Another example involves women and our hair, hair length, hair coverings, etc. Verses in both the old testament and new (I think) tell us directly that we should have long hair, we should not braid it or decorate it, and we should cover our heads. Some churches adhere to these rules, but the vast majority recognize the cultural and specific scenarios these were written for and, after putting it in context, recognize the value in humility, self care, and respecting self and others… while leaving out anything really to do with hair.

It’s the same with homosexuality.

I think I would say that, for me, deciding about gender/sexuality and the Bible’s teachings comes down to two things Jesus said (not direct quotes):
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
The greatest commandment is this: To love your neighbor as yourself.

That’s the heart of the Bible.

It’s to show up. Be human. Care for others. Care for ourselves. Love each other. Be authentic. Show respect for yourself and others. Honor one another. In these ways, we also love and honor our Creator. In these ways, we bring God’s kingdom to earth.

Is being gay, for example, counter to this? No.
Is having promiscuous sex counter to this? It sure can be. But that’s not even remotely the same thing as being queer.
Is dating and marrying and having genuine relationships counter to God’s teaching? No. The opposite. What gender we are and what gender we date or marry is not at all counter to showing up, being authentic, loving ourselves and others, and respecting ourselves and others.
Is denying a person’s right to love who they love counter to God’s teaching? Yep. Don’t do that.
Is being born lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, non-binary, or any other different way counter to God’s teaching? No! It’s exactly how God made you! If you were born cis-gendered and heterosexual, then things were easy for you. You didn’t do that. That’s how God made you. And not everybody was made the same.

A person should never be denied respect and love when they interpret Scripture differently than you. Or if they’re stronger or weaker than you. Or if they dress or act differently than you. Or if they fall in love with who they fall in love with.

Love each other. Support each other. The Bible supports that. Don’t be afraid when people are more varied and different than you expected. It’s a big, beautiful world out there. Get out and celebrate it!

Early in our marriage, Brian recognized a difference between us and we talked about it. Deep down inside, beyond all the life choices, mistakes, imperfections, criticisms and experiences, he knew that his core… was good. He could say it out loud with a deep still-watered confidence. I could not say that. Deep down inside, I knew I was flawed. Broken. Inadequate. Rotten. A failure. He couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand him. How could I have what he has?

Learning self love has been a long process of religious and cultural deconstruction. What I mean by that, is that I began to name beliefs inside myself and tear them down. Much like a renovation of an outdated house. Some parts of my internal house have been rebuilt, but many are still in the visionary stage. I am developing the vision for what I want to build there while I continue finding and peeling off bits of old ugly wallpaper. I think I’ll find bits of wallpaper for the rest of my life, but I am so relieved and happy for the major change that’s happened already.

There are more things to name than I probably can remember, but I want to try and name and memorialize some of the things I’ve torn down… and paint a general picture of my new vision.

My old internal landscape wallpaper looked like the “filthy rags” of my spiritual worth. I was, from birth, destined for destruction and God was only just to turn his back from my abject unholiness. He covered me with the righteousness of Jesus, but there was always a sense of worry that the robe might slip and my true corrupt self might show. So much stemmed from this… a belief that I cannot trust myself, that my motivations are evil, that my body and my natural urges set me on a course to destruction. I rigorously clung to behaviors and beliefs that might help keep me on the straight and narrow.

I have no hope when depending on a God who hates His creation.

This cruel God is no God worth worshiping.

This salvation is no good news.

What about a God who loves His creation? Truly loves. Enjoys. Is delighted by. A Creator who sees His creation and is delighted by its every attempt to LIVE. Righteous or not, good choices or bad, this creator sees the people made in His image and is proud of them, cheering them on, wanting the best for them. He sees me… whether I’m a Christian or not, with all my warts and imperfections and sin and imperfection and He thinks I’m beautiful! He’s proud of me! He made me… deep at my core… GOOD. Could I be? Could my internal landscape have a core of goodness? Could my body, my thoughts, my motivations… be inspired by a goodness that is built into my soul? Could I trust myself?

That would be powerful.

That thought scares me. And scares a lot of Christians.

Maybe I’m not a Christian. But I am one of the Created. It is enough.