Excerpt from journal

Sorry nothing juicy here. Just some thoughts on stuff God is teaching me about responsibility and authority. As Rachel and I have been thinking about starting a family I think about those two things a lot.

So the reason I post this stuff here is not to make me look all spiritual and ooh Brian’s got it all together. Bleh! I hope that maybe somebody else has been thinking about the same things and sparks a new idea, which I would love to hear whether it’s contrary or if you agree an ol’ fashioned, “amen!” is always encouraging.

So click

I have a desire to see God’s kingdom on earth. What I mean is people who love Jesus. I just wanna be around them. I want to see His power working in the lives people. My own included. Sometimes I realize He is working on me, I know He hasn’t given up. The rough edges are being polished up some. The past two years have been major restructuring in my life. The realization that I have a role as a man of God. That I need to step up and take responsibility… What a huge heavy word.

I’ve learned that I can’t force people or control them. That anger, fear, and doubt really do lead to the dark side. (who knew Yoda would preach the gospel?) Such things imprison people, poison them and rob them of life while they are still breathing. Faith, hope, and love, these are from God. These are the ingredients for life, joy, and peace.

God told me once that if I want my family, my house, to be full of love and peace I must fill it up bit by bit. Every time I walk in the door I must bring with me a little more love and sow it in the lives of my wife and my children. But how to lead? How to handle the authority God has given me? Rich said, “I can see a travelers foot prints, there is a little bit of blood in every step He makes.” Let me suffer with joy and in love for my family for of such is the Kingdom of God built. The crux of the matter has always been the same, the way to find fullfillment is in sacrifice for the sake of love. Not that I’m “there yet” but I know where I want to be! Father teach me and make me into the man I ought to be. Never thought I would quote U2 and Rich in the same paragraph but as they say, “One more in the name love!”

PS If you don’t know who Rich is, I am referring to Rich Mullins. His music and writings have resonated with me for a long time and when I am looking for something poetic to express my thoughts/feelings I frequently turn to him.

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