Today

Today we wrap up the packing and leave our home. Tomorrow, we climb into an airplane and leave our girls with my parents and my sister’s family. It’s time to head to Eastern Europe. Our original goals are mostly the same, but I’ve added a bit to them.

Goals of this trip:
To learn about Jordan, his personality, abilities, likes/dislikes, feeding schedule… who are his favorite people, may I take pictures of his sleeping quarters, may I watch him be fed (or feed him?). Can we know more about his birth family, anything we don’t know about his medical history, etc.
Can we take pictures of other children to advocate for their adoptions?
Accept his referral.
Get to know the culture better, get to know some of the people of his birth country.
Be an example of the love of Jesus to even the least of these.

And one new bit:
Have joy and excitement in meeting Jordan : Mourn the loss of his brother James

At the same time.

I am looking forward to loving on Jordan, to focusing on him and doting on him. And that’s all mixed up with our loss. We alternately cry and don’t cry. We can function pretty much as normal. But where the subject of adopting is concerned, where we think of our boys, we are raw. Raw and hurting and trusting God that He has a beautiful plan for us.

I am so happy that James is with Jesus. Really, I am! It’s not James I’m sorry for any more, but us. Sorry that we lost the chance to hold him on this earth. Sorry that we weren’t able to protect him. Sorry that … … that our dreams are broken.

But God. But God knows. God will. God has not forgotten us. We are in His perfect plan and He will use all things for the good of His people. Our suffering on earth, even James suffering alone is nothing now that he is with his heavenly Father. From James’ new perspective, that was just a moment, just a fleeting second, and now he is made new, no more suffering, no more being unloved. Praise God!