Amongst families filling out adoptive paperwork, there is a dilemma: How to answer the question, “What special needs are you open to?” For many, if not most of us, we have very little idea what different special needs entail, how they might affect us as a family, or even if we would feel (extra) awkward or uncomfortable around our own child. (let me tell you from experience, if you live with somebody, their quirkiness stops feeling uncomfortable after… you know…. 24 hours straight together!)
Usually, YOU REALLY ARE given a piece of paper with a list about a mile long of special needs and you are supposed to:
A. Know what all the unpronounceable medical words mean and
B. Mark whether you would/could/should adopt a child with that special need or not.
I might be too hesitant to select torticollis or strabismus. However, I have since learned that they just mean tilted head (which is usually correctable) and crossed eyes or lazy eye, which is also not necessarily permanent… and certainly isn’t very scary! Furthermore, I used to be totally uncomfortable with cerebral palsy – that is, until I met some people with cerebral palsy! Totally not intimidating any more.
Anyway, with that big undecipherable list in front of you, it’s easy to be intimidated and to just write, “We would like to adopt a child with mild or correctable special needs.” A friend of mine posted a blog recently that sheds insight into that phrase… and shares how being more specific significantly sped up their own adoption.
The blog post is called, “Let’s Talk Special Needs Adoption“. I was encouraged that maybe more people are willing to adopt children with “special needs” than they realized. A lot has to do with how you say it! Pop on over to her blog to think it through a bit more.
Let me do a hack job of summarizing her blog post: Something that is a special need to one person is not necessarily a special need to another… and it may or may not be a special need to the country creating the adoption paperwork. Each country categorizes different things as special needs… or not! Therefore, being specific in your paperwork/dossier can definitely make a difference in the time it takes for them to match you with a waiting child. For example, saying you would adopt a child with: mild mental retardation, strabismus, limb differences, Down Syndrome, ____whatever you decide to add____, will make it a lot easier for an official to match you to a child than the vague, “mild, correctable special needs” – since they won’t know what you mean by that. Do take the time to research the different special needs so you can list as many as possible. If you’re not sure, maybe say “yes” and research it later after you see that little face looking at you. Maybe you need that little kid with the unpronounceable diagnosis in your life just as much as you need them. 😉
Update on Bulgarian adoptions – 02/2013 http://martiniadoptionroad.blogspot.com/2013/02/news-from-moj.html
(images taken from http://www.mypedeyedr.com/EsotropiaR2.htm)