I sometimes come to the end of the day with these thoughts in my head:
I didn’t get a shower AGAIN. How many days has it been? (self judgement)
I didn’t get out of the house at all today. (depressed)
I have so much to do and so many unfinished projects, how will I possibly be successful at anything!? (anxiety)
We didn’t do our core curriculum today and we’re already behind. (failure as a mom 1)
I told Carolyn we would make that jello cheesecake mix today and it’s still unopened. Again. (failure as a mom 2)
Daniel is wearing his tiny size 2 clothes today because all the rest of his size 3 clothes are in the laundry. (failure as a mom 3)
And so forth.
The girls have been bickering with each other so much lately. (failure as a mom 4)
The sometimes rocky path.
Today, with new optimism, I am practicing new thoughts in my head:
I was emotionally available and responsive to Jordan today! (self pride)
The changes we made to address his bad episodes the last few days helped and he hasn’t had an episode all day. (optimism)
I have managed the whole house and the kids all day and Brian’s working late… and so far, so good! (confidence)
I folded 7 loads of laundry today and put some of it away too! (I handle the boys’ laundry and the adult laundry) (success as a mom 1)
The girls did art and math today and I successfully helped a stressed child through a difficult lesson.(success as a mom 2)
I responded to multiple upsets and anger and worries within the hearts of my kids today, some of them serious, many of them interrupting me. (success as a mom 3)
I considered Christmas gift ideas seriously for the first time this year and researched lots of cool homemade gift ideas. (self care)
I signed and returned a form for Jordan’s health insurance, including figuring out how to fax something using the internet. (self pride)
I straightened up my desk and bedroo0m a little! (self care)
I have been reasonable with Daniel even when he was unreasonable today! (success as a mom 4)
I was able to get Daniel to nap this afternoon! (success as a mom 5)
The girls have been helpful and creative today! (success as a mom 6)
I’m doing a good job. I can do this. God didn’t lead us here to abandon us. His plans are good.
2.5 hours until Brian’s home (after kids’ bedtime) and then he works again tomorrow… but normal hours. (deep breath)
Things are not perfect. But that doesn’t mean failure. Thank you, God, for letting my heart hear that.
Thanks for sharing this, Rachel. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a therapist at our local Autism Services who I got to see over the spring and summer for anxiety/depression. She was telling me about the power of writing things down. We talked about this in the context of a gratitude journal, eg. writing down three things at the end of the day that you’re grateful for. She also suggested that I could modify this and list three of my strengths and the ways I used them that day. When I expressed that I would very likely have trouble being consistent with such a practice, she said a study had shown that the positive mental health results had been shown to be greater for those who wrote a gratitude list once a week, versus every day. (Not that I’ve even managed once a week or to be completely honest, once at all!)
You are doing an amazing job. I’m glad God is speaking of His presence with you and your many successes.
Have you ever watched any videos by Kristina Kuzmic? She has a channel on youtube and a popular Facebook page. She is honest and hilarious about the challenges of parenting. This video is not one of funny ones, but I found it very powerful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnzlG5NYT8M