Daniel learned that hands are not safe in those 4 1/2 years at the orphanage. He flinches, squeezes his eyes shut and hunches his head between his shoulders if we move quickly or reach for him unexpectedly. He does the same thing when he’s being naughty and we approach him.
He also panics any time he feels his needs won’t be met. He can’t have a toy? Panic. He can’t listen to the radio right now? Panic. It’s going to be 30 seconds to microwave lunch before he can eat? Panic. Panic looks like screaming and it looks like self harming and it looks like a tantrum.
We’ve been teaching him words to help. We tell him, “You are safe. Mama is taking care of you. Mama loves you. It will get better.”
It makes me proud and it tears my heart out when he repeats it back: “Daniel safe. Mama take care of you. Mama love you. Soon it be better.”
Babies shouldn’t have to learn how to feel safe.
Another foster/adoptive mama shared this with me today. I love it.