Children

Carolyn is sitting on my lap playing with a toy, but will soon be standing and reaching for things while wobbling precariously. Anna and Maggie are coloring all over a giant box that came in the mail today with two boxes of diapers inside of it… along with a pool net thingy. We’re getting one of those soft-sided inflatable pools this summer! I’m pretty excited about that! Jordan is sitting in the box with them and making it very difficult to do their artwork. I’m loving that they’re hanging together in the same room, though.

I have squash soup in the fridge that I cooked yesterday. I cook quadruple batches of soup when I cook. Most of it is for Jordan. It called for 24 cups of squash. That’s a lot of squash. And 10 cups of broth and some carrots and some onion. I add coconut milk to Jordan’s and cream cheese to ours. Oh, and I add cabbage and seaweed to all of it now since it’s Jordan’s complete nutrition. The whole thing gets blended up so mostly that just makes it a little greener than a perfect orange squash soup. I have some yummy fresh bread on the counter thanks to my friend Aleah inspiring me to bake again. I made a loaf yesterday and I made a loaf today. Except for the dishes, it’s really easy and not time consuming. Well, not for somebody who is home all day anyway.

Brian’s on his way home from work. He’s stopping to pick up some cough syrup for me. I don’t recall ever taking cough syrup. I’ve been married almost a decade and lived two more before that, but for some reason haven’t bought it? Maybe it’s more likely that I just don’t remember. Last night I coughed for two hours after going to bed before I finally got up and took a nyquil to help me sleep. It worked. I was trying to avoid that, because Brian really needed to sleep…. and if I fall asleep after a nyquil, I don’t wake up when the kids cry. ha! Anyway, I apparently slept through the kids’ alarm clock going off at midnight, but woke up to tuck Carolyn in three times after that. 🙂

It seems every season of life that comes, I become used to a level of being a little further behind than I was before. I don’t know if it’s because I have four kids or because they keep me up at night or because we’re in a big house or because I have more people that I’m friends with… I don’t know! But I’m trying very hard to be at peace with this stack on my left of unfinished business and the pile of things on this shelf that are “to do.” Sure, I could get up and do it right now, but the problems with that are:
a. My brain is mostly mush at this point. What you’re getting is whatever I am thinking; very little filter and no organizing.
b. If I get up, the kids will remember I’m here and each and every one of them will need me for something. Carolyn will probably glue herself to me with wails of heartbroken desolation.
c. If the things here require walking anywhere (putting tags on the car, putting the math book away, …. oh, I don’t know what’s in there) then the kids will want to come with me and I’ve already kinda talked about what that looks like.

So I’m sitting here and having a nice moment of peace and tranquility. With an occasional cough.

Where was I? Oh yes, I sat down here, because I was thinking about my attitude towards… well, being a mom. Usually, I gravitate towards chores that need doing. Chores and housekeeping, in their endless splendor, help me feel like my life is under control. They are predictable and I am good at them. Spending time with the kids is more challenging. They argue, you know? And I make mistakes. And it requires at least some level of pretend play now and then no matter how I try to avoid it. Probably the most difficult thing the last six months has been how Carolyn and Jordan are like competing twins right now. Heaven forbid they see the other sitting on my lap! Oh, so often I’ve wished Brian could stay home from work all the time. With two adults, we’d have this challenge beat!

Anyway, I was working towards this thought of family time being more important than chores. I know, most people know that. But as much as I know my family needs me, in this last 24 months of heightened stress and personal weakness, I’ve turned towards housekeeping to keep myself sane. But that’s not where I want to live my life. I treasure the times I spend with my kids. I especially treasure the times like this afternoon when we all sat in the play room and played catch. I love that Ikea soft soccer ball! Everybody was involved and tickle fests occasionally interrupted and there was quality time had by all.

Ok, rambling thoughts have hit a wall. Here’s some cute pictures of Anna and Maggie. Can you believe Anna’s almost 7? And Maggie is 4 1/2?