Dreamseekers and Company

There’s very little to do for the adoption process now. There’s a few papers to gather and send off, but after that, it’s completely out of our hands.

We’re over the worst of the jet lag, but I’m still rather disorganized and half mast. Did I tell you that our septic is backed up? Yeah, we can’t flush the toilets or let water go down the drain. We’re almost $400 in and it’s going to be a big chunk more than that tomorrow, I expect. I sure hope it can be repaired without having to install a new septic… those cost tens of thousands of dollars. Ouch.

Jordan got a new bus driver and I am a really unhappy mother. She’s been late, lost and inspires no confidence in either her driving or child-handling skills. It hasn’t been fun having conversations with her boss trying to get a kind lady fired, but I don’t feel comfortable letting her drive my son around. (sigh) They had his old bus driver going with her today. We’ll see what they say tomorrow. These aren’t easy judgments to make.

The best part of the wait is preparing for and imagining our son’s arrival home. Where will he sleep? What will he wear? What kind of food will he need? Then there’s the medical stuff that I don’t understand so well – what doctors do I need to call now – which ones do I wait – what appointments to we hurry into and which ones do we put off? He’s not under anybody’s care here in the US, so I don’t have anybody advising me. If it were down syndrome, I’d know what to do. But arthrogryposis is a completely different animal and I’m scratching my head a lot. And his tiny size… I know that he’s not eating well, but is he as malnourished as he seems… should i be looking into the medical side of that… or is his small size due to the arthrogryposis – because it’s not unheard of for them to go together. All this grown-up thinking i’m trying to do through the jet lag!

I took all these beautiful videos of Daniel. But I’m finding it hard to watch them without feeling this strong … well, I don’t want the videos, I want the boy. That little boy belongs here on my lap. In my home. Within my sphere. Where I can do what I can do to mend the broken places in his heart and encourage the broken places in his mind and carry him to physicians who will strengthen the crooked parts of his body. I want the boy.

But I promised some friends that I would share some more and he really is a darling, enjoyable little boy. Though he doesn’t engage and communicate like the average kid yet, he clearly observes and mimics others! Here is a video of him talking on the phone!!! (“Hello” is usually “oh-ah!” in his country)

First – before he began talking on the phone:

Chatty little fella!

His hand over mine.

He likes music.

Daniel’s bedroom. He sleeps in the soft crib, because he’s tall enough to fall out of the others.

Together

Brian here.

I can’t help but make comparisons between our visits with Jordan in 2011 and our
visits with Daniel now. Jordan was so cute. I’ve looked back to some pictures
from our first visits with him. He had the baby fat in his cheeks, that wide
mouth smile that I adore. Videos of his laugh elicited a collective sigh from
our whole church when we got home. There was this nagging little doubt in my
mind then, “Why doesn’t this kid play?” You know how you can play silly little
games with babies? Like give and take, patty cake, peek-a-boo. Jordan would
watch those sorts of things and laugh when you said boo. But it was an
achievement, years later, when he figured out how to play it. Still, I assumed
at the time that whatever delays Jordan had, we’d make up in good time, just by
virtue of bringing him into our family.

Those expectations were not met and I had a hard time with that. My hopes for
Jordan have had repeated adjustments (read: disappointment). I figured he’d
suffered from neglect and therefore hadn’t progressed, therefore we’d meet his
needs and he’d bounce back. Turns out, many times, I have no clue how to meet
his needs, or even what his needs are (read: guilt). I still have no idea why
Home Depot sends him into fight or flight mode. It has been a hard road forming
a relationship with someone who doesn’t talk, doesn’t respond typically to
touch, is stressed by food, and while dealing with the above emotions myself.
Jordan is my son. Not the son I imagined he would be in 2011 but the son God
gave me and I love him. I have new hopes for him and I am proud of all that he
has accomplished. We are on a journey together. A slower and more painful
journey than I imagined, and I can’t see the destination… but we are going there
together.

Daniel is also adorable. His big brown eyes and crooked smile are real heart
breakers. When I pick him up he wraps his arm around my shoulder. A couple times
now I’ve just carried him around in a newborn cradle hold. He is an easy kid to
fall in love with. I had a lot of fear going to meet Daniel that he would be as
passive as Jordan was but Daniel has not been passive. He displays social skills
already that we still work very hard to encourage in Jordan. Taking turns,
initiating play. Daniel invents interactive games, that is a skill that was way
beyond my wildest hopes. Daniel copies sounds, words, and actions. Again, much
more than I dared hope for. I am heartened by this and grateful for it.

At the same time I am trying to take note of the red flags. When we put a bib on
Daniel to feed him he cries, throws himself backward and becomes stiff as a
board. I think there is a real chance he has trouble coordinating swallowing and
breathing and maybe an acid reflux problem. He screams if you take a toy from
him or don’t give him what he wants. He shuts down in unfamiliar places or
situations. He demonstrates almost no stranger anxiety. He may not have any idea
his sounds are actually communication. It might be simple mimicry and he might
forever struggle to make his feelings known. On the other, hand his greater level
of understanding may well lead to more complicated feelings about his adoptive
journey (read:abandonment, neglect).

I’d give 50-50 odds that we will come back in 6 months to find he has regressed
in health or development. The workers at the orphanage talk about how handsome
Daniel is and how he will be a model because he is thin. This is a four year old
wearing size 18 months clothes. Let’s be realistic people. He may well be model
material but let’s get some meat on this kid! Daniel has one leg in a cast right
now to try to correct some of his club foot. His poor little legs are quite
deformed. To see him walking someday would be a miracle. Not impossible, just a
miracle.

Miracles happen and I believe God has great plans for both Jordan and Daniel.
But it’s a long and difficult journey we are on. I don’t want the rough spots to
catch me unaware. My hope is that I can spend more time celebrating the gifts we
receive through Daniel and less time dealing with unmet expectations.

I Peter 5:8-11 (The Message)
Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like
nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the
only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over
the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever.
It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in
Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on
your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

Bwhahah. With this tape measure, I will conquer the world!

Drummers all.

A sorta squinty day.

My bud.

Two cutie pies.

Daniel learns very quickly. His attention is not held long by something he easily masters. We brought a little stacking toy today and after just a moment, he understood it and was delighted with the different options he had. Stack together, apart, tall, short, here, there, everywhere. He giggled at his own cleverness. He will stop and be attentive for music and for walking around also. When we finally bring him home, I predict a difficulty in keeping him occupied in the hotel and for the long flight home! When he is afraid or worried, he becomes quiet and still, like a little mouse. We’ve been discussing what our parenting strategies will need to be in order to meet his heart’s needs and respond to his internal fears which he will not dismiss just because we adopt him.

And that he struggles is clear. His stick-thin legs. A staff member (who seems to treat him kindly and to care for him) says that he does not like to eat. And that he will be a model when he grows up, because he is so thin. The combination of neglect and ignorance and plain wrongness tries to make wounds in our hearts. We have a big tender spot inside our chests with many bandages right now. He is the size of a small toddler despite his four years. They say he has only recently begun interacting with the world. Even as we sit and spend time with him, no other orphan children come outside. Just some children from a community program. I know this building has a basement with the sick kids. The dying kids. If Daniel is in good condition, then that is a dark room, no matter the sunlight or well-meaning staff. Daniel does not have relationships with his staff and has a clear emotional distance from us. He delights in the world and he enjoys to be touched… these will serve him well in the future. But I don’t want any of you to believe that he is just fine here.

There are other children… in similar conditions and in worse conditions. It brings us to our knees in prayer to be unable to bring them comfort and family. Anna feels this way about all the stray dogs and cats that wander around the city. Two dogs had a territory dispute where we were resting on a bench. Anna said, “I don’t know which one I feel more sorry for!” and then, “I wish I could give them all homes and love and snuggles.”

Because she knows… everybody needs those things.

Just two more days here and then we begin the long journey home. And the aching long wait until we come back for the pick-up trip. It should be November or before. Pray for before!

Daniel was dressed very nicely for his visit and photo today!

Daniel snuggled up very close and quiet for the drive, only moving now and then to get a better look at things.

Soooooo handsome. Thankfully, the visa photo was quick, because his face began to scrunch up for a cry when I sat him on the stool for his picture.

When we got back, they brought us his morning snack – this time a bowl (sweet mashed bread, cheese, tea and sugar) and also a bottle. He actually ate some for us. Then he drank some of the bottle. It was a pretty emotional moment for Brian to offer his son something nurturing that he’s missed the first four years of.

Snuggling up on the swing.

We decided to hire a woman through a “baba” program to spend time with Daniel five days a week. We have heard mixed reports from people who have done this before us and it seems to really depend on the baba. We are praying we made the best decision.

Daniel really liked this toy!

Soooooo handsome!

Walking by a cathedral we wished to visit…. but we waited until too late and it was closed.

We enjoyed watching a car get towed. Happily, it wasn’t our car! This is called a “spider” in the community for picking up illegally parked cars.

We enjoyed walking through the shopping and tourist area downtown. This juggler was entertaining people and Brian and he traded juggles for a moment. We left him a tip and marveled at his skill.

The videos today are wonderful!

He learns SO FAST. He imitates what we do and what we say. He is curious and determined. He tries everything.

I love the way he was chuckling with his success:

There were many memorable moments today. But this one I stopped to film. I think Brian commented that he had never in his life had a more appreciative audience for his juggling.

Yes, Daniel is 4 years old despite his size.

Today we visited Daniel from about 9am-1pm. Anna was pretty tired and hungry by then! Daniel refused his meal with us again. I hope he is eating more for his caretakers. I am not worried about working through feeding challenges with him at home. But I do worry about him while he is here for the next months until we can get him.

Daniel does not look at our faces or look for touch for comfort. Perhaps because we are strangers. But I think more of this is because of the small amount of touch he’s received during his life. And the lack of a parent’s attention. We see a lot of growth and healing that we will need to help him with in order for him to feel safe and to trust us.

That he sings, and even sings real songs, is a treasure I did not expect. I only got one song on video today, but it is as sweet as the others. This song is an actual song, which our interpreter found for us and played for him immediately after he sang it.

We went to a restaurant for lunch and then the afternoon on the beach. The weather is beautiful and we are glad to be here. Tomorrow we will take him to get his Visa picture taken and then visit some more. Sometime we will interview a baba and hopefully like her. We think we will hire her to spend time with Daniel until we come for him. It is hard to trust a stranger with him. There is not a lot more to do! Just visit and sign papers. We’ll do a few more papers when we are home, but almost all the rest of the work is done here in his country. Papers, papers, then court, then another month of papers and then we pick him up. It will probably take 6 months. Hanging onto Jesus!

Sitting in the visiting room near the front door.

On the swing. Eye contact and personal space are not an immediately comfortable or desired thing for Daniel.

He made up a lot of games with the measuring tape I used to get some of his measurements with. He was more comfortable across from me than in my lap.

Little guy. Will be won over eventually by the big guy with the big heart next to him.

Warming up.

With our firstborn.

Something special about a daddy holding their child.

Daniel is not bothered by the sensory input of being in tickly grass.

He fit, so he got a ride!

Daniel liked to hold the tree branch!

Well, he didn’t just hold it. He grabbed on and shook it. Did mini pull ups and basically was a tiny lumberjack in training.

Part of our salad after a few bites were taken.

After lunch.

Getting some time on the beach!

The water is very comfortably cool.

There is soft sand… and sand with large crystals and small seashells.

For scale

This is my postcard picture.

On the swing with Mama:

He loved playing “fish” with Anna and giggled when she tugged on the end of the tape:

Sisters:

Adorableness:

Playing swords?

Singing a children’s song:

Before I begin – let me remind you that any identifying information about Daniel must not be shared. Not his given name. Not the country he lives in. Nothing until he is ours. There is a chance that I will have to remove photos and videos, but hopefully I can keep them up.

I think I’ll let the pictures tell most of the story for right now. I have a lot of words in me… maybe I will type more after the pictures. We’ll see. Videos at the end.

The view from our hotel… complete with street noise directly below the balcony. Beautiful, but not quiet!

Our comfortable little room. Doesn’t smell too strongly of cigarettes, which is a marvel considering how much some people smoke here!

And Daniel is in his Papa’s arms! We immediately wished for trip two when we will take him straight away. Alas, this trip is for learning and loving only.

He learned immediately how to use a cell phone to see animals and hear their sounds. They told us he had never played with one before… but he learned with very little instruction.

Brian kept him busy while I asked questions of the director.

They say they switched him from bottle feeds to spoon feeds one month ago!!! It is still pureed, but by spoon. He is not a fan. 🙁

Happily, we are familiar with and not stressed out about feeding challenges. Sadly, we do not get to take him from here for some months yet. (Common time frame is 5-6 months)

He was mildly entertained by this musical toy. He is going to need to be challenged to be engaged. This is opposite from Jordan’s need for baby steps with activities!

He calmed and became relaxed when Brian took him to the swing. They stayed there, moving gently for twenty minutes or so.

The slide was a big hit! He requested (by moving Brian’s hands) to go over and over again!

Ohhhhh, the men in my life!

This trip is so much better with both these two a part of it.

What to do with this stick?

I will scratch in the sand that you won’t let me in!

Oh, sweet little leg and cast!

Casting to help reposition clubbed feet is a common practice. I just wish it was being done at home by doctors I know with a mother beside him.

It was warm, but windy.

Dad, I think you are going to like this kid. I predict he will wrap you around his crooked little finger! (and i mean that in the figurative and the punny sense)

I was happy to see that his hips have a great range of motion, since his knees barely bend. Even with his cast, I can hold him easily.

Operation: “Make Daniel into a mama’s boy” will commence. Four more days of visits and then we come home while his adoption process completes!

One thing that I love about this crazy adoption journey is that we get to advertise, even to ourselves, a special truth.

He is worth it.

If you ever felt unloved… you are WORTH crossing oceans for. No matter anything. You are a beautiful and valuable creation by God himself. My heart hurts for all those who don’t get to experience this unstoppable love from a parent or sister or friend. Because getting to feel God’s love through a real live person is heart food. I don’t know if I’m making sense guys. I’m jet lagged and processing a lot of things.

Please keep lifting us up to our Father, who sees and knows and loves.

Videos:

Daniel’s first times down the slide. He grew more animated with more turns:

Here he is learning that sisters can be fun (and funny)

Scratching in the dirt! He is quick to learn new activities:

My favorite… if you only watch one, watch this one! My heart is all his. Sing under my window!

In case you were curious about how his legs bend (or don’t)

Singing one more song as he grows tired