Dreamseekers and Company

Carolyn is sitting on my lap playing with a toy, but will soon be standing and reaching for things while wobbling precariously. Anna and Maggie are coloring all over a giant box that came in the mail today with two boxes of diapers inside of it… along with a pool net thingy. We’re getting one of those soft-sided inflatable pools this summer! I’m pretty excited about that! Jordan is sitting in the box with them and making it very difficult to do their artwork. I’m loving that they’re hanging together in the same room, though.

I have squash soup in the fridge that I cooked yesterday. I cook quadruple batches of soup when I cook. Most of it is for Jordan. It called for 24 cups of squash. That’s a lot of squash. And 10 cups of broth and some carrots and some onion. I add coconut milk to Jordan’s and cream cheese to ours. Oh, and I add cabbage and seaweed to all of it now since it’s Jordan’s complete nutrition. The whole thing gets blended up so mostly that just makes it a little greener than a perfect orange squash soup. I have some yummy fresh bread on the counter thanks to my friend Aleah inspiring me to bake again. I made a loaf yesterday and I made a loaf today. Except for the dishes, it’s really easy and not time consuming. Well, not for somebody who is home all day anyway.

Brian’s on his way home from work. He’s stopping to pick up some cough syrup for me. I don’t recall ever taking cough syrup. I’ve been married almost a decade and lived two more before that, but for some reason haven’t bought it? Maybe it’s more likely that I just don’t remember. Last night I coughed for two hours after going to bed before I finally got up and took a nyquil to help me sleep. It worked. I was trying to avoid that, because Brian really needed to sleep…. and if I fall asleep after a nyquil, I don’t wake up when the kids cry. ha! Anyway, I apparently slept through the kids’ alarm clock going off at midnight, but woke up to tuck Carolyn in three times after that. 🙂

It seems every season of life that comes, I become used to a level of being a little further behind than I was before. I don’t know if it’s because I have four kids or because they keep me up at night or because we’re in a big house or because I have more people that I’m friends with… I don’t know! But I’m trying very hard to be at peace with this stack on my left of unfinished business and the pile of things on this shelf that are “to do.” Sure, I could get up and do it right now, but the problems with that are:
a. My brain is mostly mush at this point. What you’re getting is whatever I am thinking; very little filter and no organizing.
b. If I get up, the kids will remember I’m here and each and every one of them will need me for something. Carolyn will probably glue herself to me with wails of heartbroken desolation.
c. If the things here require walking anywhere (putting tags on the car, putting the math book away, …. oh, I don’t know what’s in there) then the kids will want to come with me and I’ve already kinda talked about what that looks like.

So I’m sitting here and having a nice moment of peace and tranquility. With an occasional cough.

Where was I? Oh yes, I sat down here, because I was thinking about my attitude towards… well, being a mom. Usually, I gravitate towards chores that need doing. Chores and housekeeping, in their endless splendor, help me feel like my life is under control. They are predictable and I am good at them. Spending time with the kids is more challenging. They argue, you know? And I make mistakes. And it requires at least some level of pretend play now and then no matter how I try to avoid it. Probably the most difficult thing the last six months has been how Carolyn and Jordan are like competing twins right now. Heaven forbid they see the other sitting on my lap! Oh, so often I’ve wished Brian could stay home from work all the time. With two adults, we’d have this challenge beat!

Anyway, I was working towards this thought of family time being more important than chores. I know, most people know that. But as much as I know my family needs me, in this last 24 months of heightened stress and personal weakness, I’ve turned towards housekeeping to keep myself sane. But that’s not where I want to live my life. I treasure the times I spend with my kids. I especially treasure the times like this afternoon when we all sat in the play room and played catch. I love that Ikea soft soccer ball! Everybody was involved and tickle fests occasionally interrupted and there was quality time had by all.

Ok, rambling thoughts have hit a wall. Here’s some cute pictures of Anna and Maggie. Can you believe Anna’s almost 7? And Maggie is 4 1/2?

Carolyn has taken toddlers playing in the toilet to a new level. She got a little cup, a little spoon and a little bowl and was having tea.

EEEWWWWWwwwwwww!

Confiscated

Busted

After watching the second Hobbit movie, I felt defiled somehow. I know not everybody has the same sensitivities to violence and I don’t know if we should, but there was something about what I experienced in that theater that disturbed me somewhere deep inside. What I could put into words at the time was that the violence was gratuitous and meant for a laugh (“how many ways can you decapitate an orc or goblin?”)… and that the people around me were laughing.

A few weeks later, I recommended a book to a friend called, “The Arena.” I cautioned her to check into it before letting her teens read it, because it has mature material in it. “What’s different about the violence in this book than in the movie you were complaining about last week?” she asked. It was a good question and it’s been simmering on the back of my mind and popping up now and then into my thoughts.

This morning as I drifted off into a Dayquil padded sleep, I realized a few things:

1. Death is never, ever funny. Death, even death of evil creatures should be sobering. Death IS a symptom of evil and dispensing death through our hands should be cause to pause. Sometimes dispensing justice is appropriate and in war, killing is a fact of life. Orcs and goblins represent all that is nasty and evil, but doing away with vermin is something done with disgust, much like cleaning a toilet. It may have to be done, but we are also tainted by the process.
2. In a story, violence can be portrayed different ways. In The Hobbit, the continual, cold and deliberate killing and maiming was primarily for sport and a laugh. I don’t ever want to witness suffering or death and laugh. Although I want to be strong enough to dispense justice, I don’t want to become like the evil ones I am killing, delighting in death or suffering. Across the globe, there is intentional murder, deprivation and suffering caused by people like you and me… to other people like you and me. It’s foolishness to think that we are immune to the internal dialogue that turns a good person to bad just because what we immerse ourselves in is “not real, just a movie.”
3. In The Arena, the violence and yucky stuff that happens is portrayed as perversion, ugly, and abhorrent. Though it is a graphic book, it is written as a challenge to be a better person, to exercise self control, to abhor that which is evil and cling to that which is good. The Bible itself is full of violence – stories of justice and retribution. None of it is less than serious and somber.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for you. I think I fell asleep at about that point. I’m no saint over here, just another person striving towards understanding what God’s trying to knock through my thick skull.

Edited to add: And don’t even get me started about Hunger Games!

After the kids go to bed and intermixed with frequent and extended trips upstairs to tuck Carolyn in….

We sat at the computer with bowls of ice cream and watched Kid Snippets. Maybe me laughing so hard is what is keeping her up?

New favorite:

Old favorite:

And if you haven’t laughed at modern church lately, you should:

If you are a scrapbooker, you will be interested to know that I have a large stack of nice scrapbooking materials and I pulled out all the embellishments (because they ship easily), took photos and will be selling them for a fraction of their retail value. All money will goes directly to two adopting families whom I know personally. Go ahead and mark your calendar for March 1st… or the stickers that you wanted will be sold! (I hope. I hope there are lots of eager scrapbookers out there!!!)

Please share on facebook or with scrappy friends. 🙂

View the sale at Scrapbook Treasures – all posts will go live before 2am on Saturday, March 1st.

A few of the items for sale: