by | April 1, 2013

Of Value

Extremely love-worthy!

I was sitting outside the other day in the sunshine. I was coming out of feeling blue… sunshine is wonderful for raising the spirits! Anyway, Jordan was in his pack n play outside and he was bored and wanted to get out. But I was resting, so he got to just stay in there a bit. I let the negative thoughts overwhelm me for a minute… they went something like, “He doesn’t know how to play, he doesn’t want to learn to play, he just wants to do the same things over and over and I don’t know if he will ever talk/play/etc.” I was frustrated and frustrated with myself for not trying harder to teach him… and disappointed in myself for being disappointed.

That’s where human thoughts take us sometimes.

Then a little light shone in on those shadowy thoughts. “Does what he will learn to do, matter, My child? Is his life’s success based on what he’s able to accomplish? Compared to Me, little one, even you cannot do or think or understand… and I love you more than you can comprehend.”

If my value can be made higher by what I can do, then my value can be made less by what I cannot do. Dare we value a person less because they are less beautiful, weaker, without understanding or social graces? Heaven forbid!

My son is beloved of his family. Tens of thousands of dollars and two trips halfway around the globe and back were far less than his value. He was shut away and lost to his family by birth right, because he has Down Syndrome – with the disabilities and differences that implies. But his abandonment did not make him less valuable. God created him and his eternal soul exactly how He intended to accomplish the purposes God has for him. And the same with you and me.

I recently had the honor of following a family’s story as they adopted a newborn son…. with a terminal illness. After nearly a year of loving their sweet baby boy, who was blind and unable to do most things, he has gone on home to heaven. And this family counted it a blessing to care for him in his suffering, to graft him into their family, and to value him in his infirmities.

If you google Brooke Greenburg, you will see a little girl… the size of a small toddler, who is 20 years old. She stopped aging. But her family values her as precious, just like the One who made her. Is being “normal” or exceeding normal expectations make us more valuable? No. Being gifted is wonderful and sharing our gifts with others desireable and loving completely is honorable. But none of us measure up to God, who created us each equal. Each beloved of him. Are babies less valuable than adults? Certainly not! (Put that way, are unborn babies less worth protecting than born babies?)

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I am not at all disappointed in Jordan. He is and will continue to be all that he can be and we will stand by him and love him and enjoy him. And our Savior is not at all disappointed in our feeble attempts to please him, despite our own incredible mental, emotional and physical handicaps, compared to Himself. He loves us exactly as He made us. And he is pleased with us. And He wants nothing more than to love us and be with us.

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Mark 10:14-15
“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

Imperfect, yet perfect.

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by | March 31, 2013

Updates Shmupdates

We are sleeping… enough. Every 2 hours is sustainable. I have gone on a dairy free diet…. two days now…. accidentally ate some really scrumptious scalloped potatoes today though. Oops. So starting over! Maybe that will help my baby be more comfortable and sleep longer at night?

We’ve been house-shopping. Looking at houses from $150K-$400K…. though obviously, less expensive is better. Now we’re thinking about car shopping… minivans don’t really have windows that open in the back… ours less than most. (one is broken) And only one of the rear vents work. And the A/C doesn’t work. So I’m dreading putting kids back there this summer. But – cars are expensive. Don’t know how much we want to spend. Because, you know… if we spend money on a more expensive car, then we’ll have less money to put down on that house. hmm. I had no idea cars could cost more than $10K. Ok, I did…. but cars on craigslist? I think the most expensive car we’ve bought was $2K…. $4K after repairs.

We pulled Jordan out of pre-school. It’s not an easy decision. He does well at preschool and he was learning new skills. But the bus would have taken too long (30+ minute drive…. and it’s only 2 miles from our house). And driving him and picking him up is a pretty big interruption here at home.

Been bothered by some things lately. By people disrespecting our parenting decisions. An example – today we got two responses at the church we visited… at the toddler room… to our request that Jordan not sit on laps or snuggle with anybody. One wonderful woman agreed and supported us. One infuriating man had that gall to judge us and say we were being ridiculous. (I don’t know what his actual words were – Brian relayed this experience to me) The sweet woman tried to defend us. Hey – if you don’t understand…. trust that the kids parents have a reason for what they’re doing, k?

Jordan is going through some developmental phases. I’m not exactly sure what they are, but they require constant supervision and the removal of his person from every no-no in the house. It’s pretty frustrating, because I feel like I’m just spending the day getting him in trouble. But it’s not all bad… because I know that this new level of need from him means a new level of understanding from him. Thanks to everybody we spend time with – yes, I know he gets into everything and likes loud noises, banging on stuff and slobber. But we are pretty proud of him and think he’s a star… I don’t think I would be as brave as him if I had his background.

Sometimes I feel like the opposite of a super-mom. Often I see people around me and friends of mine… and I feel inadequate. I see all the things I don’t do. I see my failures. I am not as good at most things as most people. This last week was a difficult one, but you know what? God met me. This week would typically have brought out the tired, drained, grumbling side of me. But God, in his mercy, granted me a positive attitude. It’s been wonderful to remember joy and love even when… well, even when.

One day, we’ll look back and wish we could experience these days again. But maybe we’ll want to experience them with more sleep. That’s my guess.

Look who’s sitting!

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by | March 24, 2013

Chronicles of an Unsleeping Baby

Nursed every 45-90 minutes last night until about 3am when that didn’t even put her to sleep. Brian came to my rescue and bounced her to sleep for an hour. Then I nursed her again. Then she slept for two hours in a row! Felt wonderful.

Last two times I tried letting her cry, she cried non-stop for over 2 hours and didn’t fall asleep until I nursed her. So I have no game plan except wait it out and pray at this point!

I’m too cute to cry, right???

P.s. Over the last three weeks, Carolyn has learned to sit up on her own, cut two teeth, and demands to be fed big people food. She needs some practice on the eating, though… there is way more enthusiasm than skill. The food goes IN the mouth, sweetie!

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by | March 23, 2013

Sleep

Ain’t happenin’.

Carolyn Grace – master of the 1-2 hour wakeup for months on end.

Mom Rachel – master of the 1-2 hour stumble.

zzzzzzzz

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by | March 21, 2013

A few photos

Let’s see – updates.

We’re not sleeping enough, particularly mommy (and to a lesser extent, Brian). All this is to guarantee that little miss 6-month-old DOES sleep enough, or about. Carolyn has two teeth! She’s my earliest teether at 6 months old. Maggie got her first in her 9th month and Anna in her 10th month. Jordan came home with eight teeth. 😉 (He has 15 now, I think! Need to recount those molars – maybe 19. That’s quite a few teeth in one year!)

Anna and Maggie continue to play in the MUD often. I tell them they can only come inside looking like THAT one time per day. Their clothes are quickly being destroyed. But they are having loads of fun. “Look at the mud slide, mom!” “Look at the mud paint, mom!” “My boots are wet on the inside, mom!” That’s my country girls! They are loving our new place… there wasn’t this much space OR mud at our first house.

We are house shopping, but not in a hurry. We’ve gotten excited about a few places, but nothing has been perfect yet. I kinda hope we don’t find anything until next summer. Moving is a lot to do when you have little kids.

I’m still focusing on:
Take care of me
Take care of kids
Then try to keep up with housework (laundry and dishes are on top of the list – everything else tumbles down below those)
Then try to do other stuff

Tomatoes are started in little pots. Nothing else yet. Maybe today?

Any time you are feeling well rested, think of me and send me some chocolate covered caramels. Brian knows this and brought some home for our eigth anniversary. Along with my favorite flower (carnations). I married an amazing man.

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