It’s been a long time since I’ve posted about Jordan’s development. In a physical sense, he is really gaining… particularly in gross motor. In communication, he is making progress, albeit slowly. In adjustment, we are so proud of how he is tolerating the holidays and other non-routine activities. Because you know what, it is not easy for him. In attachment, I suppose we are seeing some progress, but not very mucho.
Details:
To be away from home, to be out of the home routine, to be where there are many people wanting to play with him is very stressful for Jordan. It just is. He gets excited and loves additional attention, but it’s two nights since Thanksgiving and he’s just starting to lose the manic look in his eye. I feel like this is a hard one for people to understand who aren’t close family. They just see a happy, laughing boy who wants to play with them. “He’s so sweet!” they say. And we have not set boundries for strangers yet… it’s hard to do for one, I need the help for two, and we don’t go out often so I don’t feel like it’s a significant impact. It’s kinda a good time to evaluate how he’s doing.
Anyway, WE can see the stress on Jordan’s face. It feels GOOD to know him best. It feels GOOD to feel like I am his parent and he is my son.
You know those wonderful pictures we took? Once we were all dressed and ready for pictures, we headed outside. Jordan was immediately anxious and upset at being carried around somewhere when he didn’t know where we were going or why. He was very upset and crying and struggling. The family pictures looked like we were trying to kill him or something. 🙂
He actually sat alone inside and chilled out while we took the rest of the photos. Then… last… we took him out again and tried to take individual shots. And with some teasing and leaf-throwing and above all, no restraint, he calmed down enough to laugh and have fun. He was still stressed, sure… but he was having fun too! Hooray for play!
And hooray for photoshop!
About two weeks ago, Jordan also started crying in his car seat. He cried and cried and was totally hysterical every time we just set him in his carseat. I don’t know what he thought was going to happen, but he was absolutely out of it. This lasted about a week and has slowly started calming down. The ONLY thing we found that could calm him to wide-eyed silence is a repetitive pat on his leg or chest. That, my friends, is a good way to strain your shoulder and elbow. But what’re ya going to do? We were relieved we could help. (and we’re even more relieved that this is passing quickly)
We also had a strange meltdown the other night. Well, maybe it wasn’t so strange. We decided to run to the library in the evening, which is a break from our evening pattern. We went right after dinner… or maybe it was right before. Anyway, about the time we got there, Jordan started to cry. And he wasn’t happy when he was moved to the stroller. And he cried his totally out-of-it cry… the one where he is crying like an infant, it’s not a whine, it’s not angry, it’s not hurt… it’s closest to a scared cry. It’s just that cry where they start to hiccup after awhile (though he didn’t). Anyway, I found a room where they do storytime and tried to reach him for a good 15 minutes. I tried everything; holding and bouncing, sitting side by side, patting… everything that Jordan calms to. Eventually, he finally started to come back and began to rock. Whew. I sat next to him and we mimicked vocalizations as he rocked…. uuu-UUUU, uuu-UUUU, uuu-UUUU or sometimes mmm-MMMM, mmm-MMM as he rocked back and forth. And he was back.
He does seem to prefer us over other people. He knows us. Recognizes us. Knows that we will keep him safe. He trusts us to make his world OK. Well, he doesn’t always trust that, but when he is “with it,” which is most of the time, he does. Other people, he knows will play with him. Quite a lot more than we do at home. You know, because at home, we are a functioning family of four little ones and there is lots of simple loving care and less play. It’s ok. It’s familiar. It’s love. But when a new person comes, he will try to play with them with very little stranger anxiety. (If at all?) Anyway, I would like to increase the time I pick him up just to pick him up. I’d like to play with him a little more often. He could use that one-on-one time with us. As always, there is an aversion to his snot and slobber that is stronger than I wish. But what can I do? I just play with a burp rag at hand, you know?
Anyway, with so many children coming home who sign or speak right away, who bond and show appropriate behaviors, who understand how to play and how to interact… I thought some families might be feeling discouraged when their kids struggle more to get these things. I know I just wrote a post about what Jordan struggles with, but honestly, we are pretty proud of him. He approaches the world from a solitary place where he thinks he has to do everything himself. And he keeps trying. As frightening as that is, he keeps trying. He is letting us through cracks into his heart and that is such a brave thing to do. He struggles to be flexible and still feel safe, but he is such a trooper and goes with the family flow and enjoys himself and does SO WONDERFULLY! The meltdowns usually only come if we push too long or too hard… usually he doesn’t melt down. He usually just get’s a little uptight for awhile.
Yep, we love and are proud of our son. Keep reaching for the stars, Jordan!
