Dreamseekers and Company

I’ll turn 29 this year. Being almost thirty is interesting. I find myself feeling at home being an adult. I feel like I’ve stepped into my parents’ shoes. It’s kinda weird. Last night I found Anna nursing her baby doll. She smiled really big at me and giggled a little, nervous about whether she was being silly or not. (When a five year old is that self-conscious… well, she’s this mother’s daughter!) I told her proudly that she was going to be such a wonderful mommy someday. She smiled and said, “Yes! I’ve been watching you.”

And if that is not terrifying, I don’t know what is.

Ten years ago: Nineteen years old. I was going to community college for the fifth year and pursuing a degree in pharmaceutics. Wow. Nineteen. I thought I was so grown up then. I thought I was pretty mature. Especially for my age. I chuckle now. Will I do the same thing in another ten years? I imagine so! Nineteen for me was the end of a difficult period of life for me. The immature, self-conscious, shy, over-cautious part of me was being really pummeled by the process of changing from girl to woman. I wanted to stay in my shell and keep my life perfect, organized, predictable and yes, admired. The years 14-19 were years where I came face to face with my imperfection. Not that it hasn’t stopped since, but I remember it being a particularly tumultuous time in my life. Ah…. female emotions!

I was entering the time when I’d start my first non-stall-cleaning job, my horse was sold, I was absorbed in academics, I had my first ever boyfriend and I wondered what to do with my life.

Let’s fast forward to five years ago. I was married to the love of my life and had been for two years. We’d spent a year and a half with both of us working and him going to school as well. He’d graduated, gotten a job, we’d moved across town and bought a house. Let’s see… we’d also gotten pregnant after six months of hoping, weathered the pregnancy with cartloads of joy and expectation and given birth to our first daughter. She would hae been six months old and just been starting to grab stuff, chew on her toes and maybe she was sitting up by then. Life was full of figuring out babies – how to care for them, get them to sleep, what to feed them, when to feed them, dress them, how to treat cradle cap, what a grown-ups life looked like when one was a mommy.

And now… now I have four children, goodness! Anna is 5 1/2, Jordan is 3 1/2 and has been home almost a year, Maggie is 3 and Sweet Carolyn is just a month old. Oh me oh my.

Speaking of – here are their size stats from their pediatrician appointment today (Except Jordan – his is on Friday):
Anna:
44.6 lbs. – 65th percentile
3′ 7″ – 75th percentile

Maggie:
26.2 lbs. – 7th percentile (You read that right; she’s my little lightweight! Her normal percentile is low, so I’m not worried.)
3′ 2″ (hmm – I think this was written down wrong) – that would be the 66th percentile. But I just measured her at home and have her at about 35″ tall, or 2′ 11″ which is the 10th percentile… more likely)

Carolyn:
10 lbs. 4 oz. – 68th percentile
23″ – 94th percentile! Wow! I wonder if we mis-measured this too?

Jordan – we’ll find out Friday, but I”m sure he’s heavier and shorter than Maggie.

What else? We’ve sold our house and moved across the state lines. We’ve just barely passed from the brand new parent land to early veteran status. (That’s where people with older kids consider you a new parent but where we’ve been there and done that more than a brand new parent.) We’ve traveled overseas to bring home our son and we’re learning the ins and outs of special needs parenting, which, oddly enough – is just like regular parenting, but a little different.

Five years from now, I wonder where I’ll be. Will we have bought a house by then? Where will it be? Anna will be ten years old and Carolyn five! Wow!

Ten years from now, what will today look like? Will I laugh at myself for being upset when the eighth child woke me up in a row? (or it felt like that) I’m sure I’ll at least miss the early bedtimes, little baby snuggles and little kid hugs. Anna will be a teenager…. hmm… three of my kids will be teenagers. Thank you, Carolyn, for coming three years after your next siblings! But that is pretty far apart… maybe someday we’ll add a playmate for you. But not soon. Phew! Goodness gracious, not soon!

I was going to be all introspective and excited and think about the past, present and future. However, the number of hours (days) that have passed since I began this post and this morning are proving that difficult. Also, I need to go pour some milk, pick up a baby, change a wet bed and feed Jordan. This post is done!