Lost

This is a cross post from Vinnie’s Blog

I don’t think I can ever express what those days were like, the days when we had to decide if we were going to adopt Vinnie. We were overseas visiting our son Jordan and it had only been a little over a week since our son James died. We were raw. Hurting. In a foreign country. Separated from our children at home.

And near the end of our journey, we drove up outside Vinnie’s orphanage. We had already agonized over whether to add another second child to our adoption. On my face on our bed, my soul had groaned. There are just no words, friends, to describe what it is like to consider abandoning a child. It doesn’t matter how good the reasons are… there just are no words.

So there we were, with literally aching hearts, parked outside of Vinnie’s orphanage in 90+ degree heat, looking up at the cribs on the balconies of the orphanage. (to keep cooler than inside) We had done our best to let go of Vinnie, to let him rest in God’s hands… but here we were, so close to him. Only our facilitator was permitted inside, so we waited while they visited with the caretakers and with Vinnie, taking the precious photos and videos that we hoped would help him find a family to keep forever.

They came out smiling. Beaming, they told us how adorable he was, how very active and how social he was. They told us that the caretakers were so happy that he had found a family in us and they told him that his mama and papa were outside. Break my heart again! Oh, sweet Vinnie, we fell on our knees for you again to ask God if couldn’t we be please your family!!!?

The Lord told us we were meant to adopt James, who went home with Him. Our Father led us to Jordan and has continued to confirm him in our spirits. As much as our earthly hearts and minds groaned and desired to bring home this boy, this son, Vinnie… the Lord would not give our spirits peace about adopting him. Although it would have been easier emotionally to adopt him, we would be jumping into difficult waters (having two young children and bringing home two more young children with special needs) without the confirmation that we were in God’s will.

We felt His comfort when we said, “Ok God, we will leave him to Your plan… But God, we won’t stop praying that you have a plan and a future for Vinnie!” Nothing was easier for us, the physical ache did not pass… but deep in our spirits we had faith in God’s plan.

And so we got home. And it’s been two months and nobody has promised to love Vinnie. People have inquired about him, praise God! I pray that he will find a family soon. I pray that his life will touch many hearts for orphans, for adoption.

A family could adopt Will at the same time as Vinnie and incur no additional fees. (just an additional VISA and plane ticket home!) A family could adopt Vinnie with Valenz and incur only small fees. And there are others he could be adopted with. Other waiting children. Other children lost to the world. What a blessing they could be to us.

Don’t let Vinnie be sent to a mental institution. Adopt. Share. Sponsor his grant. My heart won’t be healed until he has a family.

Fundraiser launches tomorrow morning!