Baby Fever Remedy

I’m in the midst of a case of Baby Fever for the first time since Carolyn was born a year ago. Or since even before… so it’s been a few years. My sister Melissa started it with this darling little family photo:

In order to effectively treat this serious condition, I have compiled a list of pregnancy complaints… all of which I experienced during Carolyn’s pregnancy. And just to make you jealous, I will not share a few of the “symptoms” I experienced that were especially icky.

1. Morning sickness that is not just-in-the-morning sickness. Until week 12. That’s a long time folks and it ain’t attractive. (I am so, so sorry to my friends who experience it much longer)
2. Exhaustion. Exhaustion and being a parent.
3. The baby’s head on my bladder. And the rapid waddles to the bathroom. Not because I need to pee “much” but because her head is crushing my bladder so hard/urgently/completely/forcefully.
4. The baby’s head against my sciatic nerve. It got to a point where I was afraid to drive or walk around the grocery store, because when she turned her widdle baby giant noggin, I would collapse in intense pain like my leg was being evicted from my hip socket. Can you just see the scene at the grocery? “No, I’m *gasp* ok. It’s just *squirm* a nerve pinch. I don’t need an ambuLANCE AHHH!” Yeah, don’t think they’d believe me and did not really want any embarrassing ER trips.
5. Her adorable little baby feet and baby bottom in my rib cage. Even sleeping upright on the couch, which is the one of the only ways I slept for months, my ribs ached and were flexed painfully. You know when she was born I was lightheaded from deep breaths?
6. Heartburn. Wintergreen tums are my favorite. I also have to sit up to burp when I’m pregnant. No joke. Starts in the first trimester and I have to sit up from almost-sleep just to burp.
7. Bruise-like places on my tummy from those sweet little knees and feet.
8. Diastasis Symphysis Pubis and Sacroiliac Joint Disfunction… basically, my pelvis did not stay connected to itself or my spine. This means stubbing my toe caused my pelvis to pop painfully. Did you know there are two “joints” in your pelvis? Well, it shouldn’t feel like there are. Taking a big step over toys or landing wrong was scary dangerous. Going faster than a walk? Laughable! And sleep… oh, that blessed, elusive Holy Grail of parents. It was the couch or a huge pile of pillows on the bed. I used every pillow in the house… I think there were eight?
9. Foot swelling.
10. Vertigo that may have had nothing to do with pregnancy, but it blessedly hasn’t been back since I was pregnant.
11. Weird, unexplained pain attacks which disguise themselves as labor.
12. Having to unload the washing machine to the dryer with a giant tummy. May not seem like a big deal, but when you have several loads every blessed day and your arms really just don’t reach down in there, it becomes an issue!
13. Labor false alarms
14. Real labor (owowowowowow!)
15. Afterpains (owowowowowow!)
16. Boob pain (Men, just be grateful that engorgement to you simply means overeating your favorite dinner.)
17. Sleepless nights

Now, children are totally worth every bit of discomfort, inconvenience and even downright painful experiences. But I just wanted to publish the list of things to help myself remember. I wouldn’t want to make a hasty decision. I do hope to have another child by birth someday, but I don’t know if I will. I do want to have more children through adoption, but I don’t know when. One thing is certain, though… the idea of being pregnant scares the dickens outta me after writing my list!

What my girls thought of me a week before their sister was born.