Missing

Tonight grief for James hit me unexpectedly as I was cleaning the kitchen “stuff” counter. I found the church bag with his name on it under a pile of yarn. I carried it to the box where his photo album, his baby book and his crib toy were piled. These were supposed to be his. He was supposed to be ours.

I’m not ready to take his towel down yet.

Next week is his birthday. He would have turned two years old. We’re going to celebrate his birthday, write him letters and plant a tree in memory of him at my parent’s house (where I hope they will be living for a long time). We need to choose a type of tree… I think we will be choosing a fruit tree that we can enjoy the fruit off of every summer around his birthday. I only wish we could have him with us.

*tears*

We are so, so glad to be home with our daughters. They did really well at my parents’ house and had a wonderful time there. But we are so very ready to be a family again and not separate any more! Thank you so much Mom, Dad, Melissa and Austin for opening your doors to our girls! We look forward to spending time with you as a family again soon.

Little Dancho is our perfect little guy and we’re so looking forward to bringing him home. For now, we are recovering from our trip and soaking in the memories of our time with him.